my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
