What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
