Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize