Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
