its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
