This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
