yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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