Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
