I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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