one might say we're banned from that church
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
