He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He better not be in your backpack
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
