I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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