Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize