the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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