I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
