It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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