God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
