She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
