Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
