Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
