I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
