I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
