would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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