So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
