So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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