Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
