do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
