I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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