I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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