Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
