Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
