i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize