There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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