I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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