They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
