Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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