Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
