Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
