Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
