can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
