I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
