im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
