If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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