guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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