Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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