when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
