capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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