Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
