You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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