Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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