bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
