Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
only you would photoshop your dick
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
