You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
