I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
