I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
