Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
