forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
