Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
