i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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