I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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