In the future we'll all be gay
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
