cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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