But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
