im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was born a porn star she said
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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