Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We left the knife in your bed.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
