Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
